I've been going through a lot lately. Starting clear back in November I got an apartment with a friend i work with. He's a great guy and I love living with him. He's very respectful and a great friend and we get along really well! Lately we've both been struggling with money. His truck keeps breaking down and he's been having a hard time helping up with rent. I've had the hardest time paying it all on my own and him paying me back. Now that I had to cover that so we don't get thrown out on the streets, my other bills have suffered. My car payment is 2 months behind and coming up on another payment at the beginning of the month. I got a ticket back in January for expired tags and found out an old ticket wasn't paid and my license was suspended. I got it reinstated but since I had to cover rent my check bounced for my ticket. Now my licence is suspended again and have a warrant. I can't afford all these things. On top of all that I have a student loan through my grandmother's credit union and they constantly call every month swearing that I'm 60 days late when I damn sure pay them every month! They call my grandmother telling her I'm late on payments, then she calls me and my mother calls me about it and also my sister calls me about it. I'm paying those bastards and all they do is make my family more dissappointed in me. I've got them all calling me, plus my stepdad calling me for my car payment that I can't pay. I work at least 6 days a week and at least 40 hours a week. I refractured my shin on my right leg saturday night making it super painful to walk but I go to work every day and am trying to pick up as much shifts as I can. I've met the greatest guy. He's became my best friend so fast and i love spending time with him but I kept scaring him and got him thinking i wanted to make it serious. I can't get into a serious relationship with all this shit I'm going through, i just wish he was here to help keep me sane through the toughest time in my life. Poor guy has been sick for a week and i wanna do anything i can to help him get better. I've been depressed and wanna cry everyday because I've let so many people down and I feel like the biggest failure to my family and those close to me. I feel like I just can't catch up and like everyone is abandoning me cuz nobody knows what all I'm going through right now. i try to hide behind a smile everyday. I love being around my friends but I go to bed alone every night tossing and turning and thinking about how i can make it all better, and if he's getting better. I don't go out anymore. i work and go home and workout. Every now and then I get a chance to hang out with a few friends at my house or theirs. I wanna be able to take my friends out again. I used to go out to dinner with friends all the time, i used to be able to go see my friends in different states. I've had to cancel so many trips and let down even more people and i just wanna crawl into a hole til everything magically changes over night. I heard this song recently and it just says so much. Says a lot about how i feel. There's so much I wish i could say but don't know how to explain it. I always needed time on my own. I never though I'd need you there when I cry. And the days feel like years when I'm alone. And the bed where you lie is made up on your side. When you walk away, I count the steps that you take. Do you see how much I need you right now? When you're gone, the pieces of my heart are missing you. When you're gone, the face I came to know is missing too. When you're gone, all the words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok, I Miss You. I've never felt this way before. Everything that I do reminds me of you. And the clothes you left, they lie on my floor. And they smell just like you. I love the things that you do. When you walk away, I count the steps that you take. Do you see how much I need you right now? When you're gone, the pieces of my heart are missing you. When you're gone, the face I came to know is missing too. When you're gone, all the words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok, I Miss You. We were made for each other, out here forever. I know we were. All I ever wanted was for you to know everything I do I give my heart and soul. I can hardly breathe. I need to feel you here with me. When you're gone, the pieces of my heart are missing you. When you're gone, the face I came to know is missing too. When you're gone, all the words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok, I Miss You.
Hmmm... what's this?? I haven't been on here in a while so I thought I'd share some things I've written. While at work I hear lots of songs, not to mention the songs I hear on my way to work and every minute of my day. Anyway I took titles to songs and created them into some poetry. Kind of my way of expressing things on my mind. Strange how these song titles all strung together can mean something on top of what the artists were trying to say to begin with.
Here's a few:
1. Yeah. I think I'm paranoid. You're My little secret. Nobody knows it but me. You drive me crazy. More than words can say. It's just me and you. Naked. Listen to your heart. When i look into your eyes. When i see you smile. You make me wanna. Breathe again.
2. Standing outside a broken phone booth with money in my pocket. You say. Cry me a river. Walk away. My love.
and here's the kicker
3. When doves cry. Tears in heaven. Jesse rides. Into the light. I miss you. I wish you were here. Only the good die young. In the arms of an angel. Heaven. I will get there. On bended knee. I only wanna be with you. In the end. Say goodbye. I'll see you when we get there. One sweet day.
oo and one I forgot
4. Here in the night. You can't touch this. Stairway to Heaven.There you'll be. Unforgiven. Going the distance.
I laugh at some of the things I come up with lol!!!
Here's a few lines from some songs that always stick out to me.
1. Apology not accepted, add it to the broken hearts you've collected
2. It only hurts when I'm breathing. My heart only breaks when it's beating. My dreams only die when I'm dreaming. So i hold my breath to forget
3. All that I am, all that I ever was is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see. I don't know when, confused about how it's been, just know that these things will never change for us at all.
4. I found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind.
5. I worry I won't see your face light up again. Even the best fall down sometimes and the wrong words seem to rhyme.
6. I've got this icebox where my heart used to be.
And i'll leave it at that. have a good November. My birthday is coming up next month. I'm also moving out in December too. I can't wait!!! I find out by Tuesday if i get the apartment. Wish me luck!!!
So today I get outta work at the bank and I'm changing clothes to go to my serving job and my hand feels like someone jabbed a sharp knife straight into the back of it!! I can't button my pants, I have a hard time pulling my hair back and even starting my car was dreadfully painful!! So I called my boss at the restaurant and told him I was in severe pain but I was still on my way there so they could check it out. So when I got there I took some ibuprofen and put some ice on it and an hour later I still couldn't do anything with it and trying to write with it was the worst pain and I kinda have to write a lot of things down as a server lol!! SO they let me leave and I went straight to the doctor. I sat there for 3 hours taking x-rays and having them play with my hand making it swell worse and they end up telling me that I got tendonitis in it from over-working. Go figure. I only work 16 hour days 5 days a week with another 10 hour day and only 1 day off every week. Ya THINK I over-worked it a little??!?!?!!?! lol!!! So then they give me this wrist brace and tell me I have to wear it while I'm sleeping and also for like the next 3 days. Then they tell me I can't serve for the next 3 days and that I can't lift any trays til the 31st. NICE..... Not cool. Now I have to tell my boss at the restaurant that the next 3 days that I'm scheduled I can't work cuz I'm a total let-down-pussy who can't handle working 2 jobs. I cried for about 3 hours tonight cuz I really hate letting people down and not being the superwoman that I try to be. I hope this heals up fast so I can get back to work. I hate this brace. I'm not one to wear any sort of restraints like this. Plus I'm tired of everyone already asking me what I did to my hand. I'm glad I've already saved up enough to go on my trip. I just want more. Well I hope everyone is doing well. Have a good week ooo check out this thread Henry posted up today! It's things like this that make me love my friends so much!!! http://www.kcsr.org/viewtopic.php?t=88760&start=0&postdays=0&postorder=asc&highlight=
So I called my boss at the restaurant and told him I was in severe pain but I was still on my way there so they could check it out. So when I got there I took some ibuprofen and put some ice on it and an hour later I still couldn't do anything with it and trying to write with it was the worst pain and I kinda have to write a lot of things down as a server lol!! SO they let me leave and I went straight to the doctor. I sat there for 3 hours taking x-rays and having them play with my hand making it swell worse and they end up telling me that I got tendonitis in it from over-working. 
Go figure. I only work 16 hour days 5 days a week with another 10 hour day and only 1 day off every week. Ya THINK I over-worked it a little??!?!?!!?! lol!!! So then they give me this wrist brace and tell me I have to wear it while I'm sleeping and also for like the next 3 days. Then they tell me I can't serve for the next 3 days and that I can't lift any trays til the 31st. NICE..... 
Not cool. Now I have to tell my boss at the restaurant that the next 3 days that I'm scheduled I can't work cuz I'm a total let-down-pussy who can't handle working 2 jobs. I cried for about 3 hours tonight cuz I really hate letting people down and not being the superwoman that I try to be. 
I hope this heals up fast so I can get back to work. I hate this brace. I'm not one to wear any sort of restraints like this. Plus I'm tired of everyone already asking me what I did to my hand. I'm glad I've already saved up enough to go on my trip. I just want more. Well I hope everyone is doing well. Have a good week ooo check out this thread Henry posted up today! It's things like this that make me love my friends so much!!! 