When you're gone, the pieces of my heart are missing you.
I've been going through a lot lately. Starting clear back in November I got an apartment with a friend i work with. He's a great guy and I love living with him. He's very respectful and a great friend and we get along really well! Lately we've both been struggling with money. His truck keeps breaking down and he's been having a hard time helping up with rent. I've had the hardest time paying it all on my own and him paying me back. Now that I had to cover that so we don't get thrown out on the streets, my other bills have suffered. My car payment is 2 months behind and coming up on another payment at the beginning of the month. I got a ticket back in January for expired tags and found out an old ticket wasn't paid and my license was suspended. I got it reinstated but since I had to cover rent my check bounced for my ticket. Now my licence is suspended again and have a warrant. I can't afford all these things. On top of all that I have a student loan through my grandmother's credit union and they constantly call every month swearing that I'm 60 days late when I damn sure pay them every month! They call my grandmother telling her I'm late on payments, then she calls me and my mother calls me about it and also my sister calls me about it. I'm paying those bastards and all they do is make my family more dissappointed in me. I've got them all calling me, plus my stepdad calling me for my car payment that I can't pay. I work at least 6 days a week and at least 40 hours a week. I refractured my shin on my right leg saturday night making it super painful to walk but I go to work every day and am trying to pick up as much shifts as I can. I've met the greatest guy. He's became my best friend so fast and i love spending time with him but I kept scaring him and got him thinking i wanted to make it serious. I can't get into a serious relationship with all this shit I'm going through, i just wish he was here to help keep me sane through the toughest time in my life. Poor guy has been sick for a week and i wanna do anything i can to help him get better. I've been depressed and wanna cry everyday because I've let so many people down and I feel like the biggest failure to my family and those close to me. I feel like I just can't catch up and like everyone is abandoning me cuz nobody knows what all I'm going through right now. i try to hide behind a smile everyday. I love being around my friends but I go to bed alone every night tossing and turning and thinking about how i can make it all better, and if he's getting better. I don't go out anymore. i work and go home and workout. Every now and then I get a chance to hang out with a few friends at my house or theirs. I wanna be able to take my friends out again. I used to go out to dinner with friends all the time, i used to be able to go see my friends in different states. I've had to cancel so many trips and let down even more people and i just wanna crawl into a hole til everything magically changes over night. I heard this song recently and it just says so much. Says a lot about how i feel. There's so much I wish i could say but don't know how to explain it. I always needed time on my own. I never though I'd need you there when I cry. And the days feel like years when I'm alone. And the bed where you lie is made up on your side. When you walk away, I count the steps that you take. Do you see how much I need you right now? When you're gone, the pieces of my heart are missing you. When you're gone, the face I came to know is missing too. When you're gone, all the words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok, I Miss You. I've never felt this way before. Everything that I do reminds me of you. And the clothes you left, they lie on my floor. And they smell just like you. I love the things that you do. When you walk away, I count the steps that you take. Do you see how much I need you right now? When you're gone, the pieces of my heart are missing you. When you're gone, the face I came to know is missing too. When you're gone, all the words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok, I Miss You. We were made for each other, out here forever. I know we were. All I ever wanted was for you to know everything I do I give my heart and soul. I can hardly breathe. I need to feel you here with me. When you're gone, the pieces of my heart are missing you. When you're gone, the face I came to know is missing too. When you're gone, all the words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok, I Miss You.
